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Going through a divorce is stressful enough on the two people who have made the decision. It’s even more stressful on a kid. Of course there is no shortage of literature about how to keep small children(figuring children under the age of 10) away from the mental impact that divorce has. Kids should constantly be supported and constantly be happy and both parents should always be showing love. When the divorce involves children of an older age, and a bigger maturity level, the handling of the situation changes inexplicably. There is no reason why kids should be treated differently when the parents divorce, but that is often the case.
The problem with a child of an older age is that many times the parents will begin to talk to the kid as a friend and not as a child. They might begin to give their personal feelings on their spouse and often times its not in a positive light. This is always the wrong way to handle the situation. There is no doubt that divorce brings about bad blood between two people but children should never be a part of the bad blood. Parents should remain positive in their speaking to their children. This doesn’t mean to shower the spouse with loving and caring remarks, but rather to not say anything disparaging.
Parents often find that the discipline of the children begins to change as the divorce becomes more real. One parent might punish a teen for their inappropriate behavior, and that punishment isn’t carried out by the other parent, or is argued by the other parent. These are ultimately problems that need to be addressed and both parents are encouraged to be on the same page.
The goal is to not let the dissolving of a marriage impact the way that parents love and respect each other in front of their kids. It’s sends a mixed message, and could damage a child in th long haul.
