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To a caring mother or father, parenting is always a number one priority.

Unfortunately, among the many casualties of a divorce can be the potential for good parenting. This is especially true when one or both of the parents are vindictive toward their former spouse and begin a battle over custody.

This vindictiveness can overcome any common sense and values that helped one become a good parent in the first place. And in all the squabbling, accusations and one-upmanship, it is always the children who suffer.

It becomes a personal thing to kids; they will believe that everything that is bad about their parents can also be found in them. This can lead children to believe that they are the cause of their parent’s divorce. A battle over custody will only strengthen that assumption.

With this in mind, a number one priority, for divorcing parents, is to come to terms with each other and to stop using their children as part of the battleground.

This can sometimes be remedied with good counseling and family support groups. Once both sides have come to terms with their divorce, then legal mediation with lawyers present can help finalize proper solutions, including the custody of the children, visitation rights, and child support.

Divorce is painful but parents need to realize that whatever they feel will be amplified in their children. The best thing divorcing parents can do is to come to terms with their anger toward their spouse and let it go.  The results will be a stronger relationship with their children, an easier road ahead, and a happier life.